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Funny stories wanted to help raise money for RSABI

Despite farmers often being portrayed as dour and uncommunicative and the industry often seeming to have a monopoly on pessimism, there is, as we all know, a great deal of humour around regarding farming. 
Some of the humour is pawky; a lot of it is dry and understated.  There may not be a lot of ‘laugh out loud’ moments but there is a lot of fun in the farmyard and at auction sales and agricultural shows; in fact wherever farming folk meet.
This is an invitation to share some of those stories which enliven our lives and in doing so, raise money for RSABI Scotland’s rural charity. RSABI (SCOO9828) is a unique Scottish charity with roots going back to 1897. It provides financial assistance and support in confidence to those people who have worked in Scotland in land-based occupations and who are suffering hardship.
Every year RSABI helps hundreds of people with backgrounds in farming, forestry, fish-farming, rural estate work, gamekeeping, crofting and horticulture who, owing to illness, disability, poverty or crisis, find that they are unable to cope.
Just as there have been recipe books collated from contributions all over the country, the idea is to collect funny stories about farming and the people in and around the industry. The plan is then to put them together in a book to be published in early November with all the proceeds going to RSABI. You will not be paid for your contribution but you will have the satisfaction of knowing that any funds raised will go towards helping those who have fallen on hard times.
One example of the type of story they are looking for would be:-
Feeling thirsty, a hill walker comes across a small burn. He goes down on his knees and cups his hand to scoop some water when the farmer comes along. 
The farmer shouts, “Dinnae drink tha waater!  Et's foo ae coo's sharn an pish!”
The walker responded: “My good fellow, I'm from England. Could you repeat that for me in English!?”
The farmer replied: “I said, use two hands. You'll spill less that way!
We are sure that you have all heard or told stories like that. You can either write to RSABI, email them or just phone. The contact details are:
 - John Arbuckle         Tel: 01337 832805,  email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
 - Andrew Arbuckle     Tel: 01337 870209,  email: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
Your contributions will be acknowledged with your name at the bottom of the story or if you prefer anonymity that will be recognised. The stories will not be personalised although if the person is no longer with us and the tale is told in an affectionate way, there could be exceptions.
If you feel you are unable to help with this but know of someone who has a wealth of funny tales and quips, please pass this to him/her or get them to contact RSABI.  Let us all have a laugh while, at the same time, raising money for RSABI.

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